The Psychiatrist Voice
by razzamatazz73
Summary: Sally's bored while Linus is away at college. What could be more fun than teaming up with a visiting Lucy and convincing him that he needs to come home immediately? SallyLinus, implied LucyCB. Rated for CB's brief potty mouth.


**Author's notes: I'm bored, so it's random one-shot time… Yes, I know I should be working on the Van Pelt Saga. But I don't feel like it right now… So there. Oh, and if it's weird to you that Lucy and Charlie Brown are a couple, it's only mentioned once or twice… Sort of connected to my other fic, sort of not.**

Sally Brown highly doubted that her brother would approve of the prank she was about to pull on his best friend.

But boredom was the worst situation in the world, and she needed a way out. And a way for her boyfriend to come home from college for the weekend.

That's where his sister came in. Lucy didn't always come home on weekends, but Charlie Brown had some seminar that weekend and obviously was not available to take her on dates. So Sally had a partner in crime.

"Hello, may I please speak to a Linus Van Pelt?" Lucy inquired, feigning a strangely professional voice that had not been used since her days of being Charlie Brown's psychiatrist.

"Um, this is Linus," her brother answered. Lucy could vaguely hear him throw a wrapper of something into a trash can, so she figured that he was in his dorm.

Seeing as he was just messing around in the dorm (which he shared with Charlie Brown), some of the guilt from the next few sentences disintegrated into a very small puddle in the back of her mind.

"Excuse me, Mr. Van Pelt, this is Dr. Smith from Mercy Hospital. I regret to inform you that a," Lucy looked at Sally for help on her wording, who frantically motioned for her to hurry up and come up with something. "A, er, um… lady friend of yours was in a severe bus accident this morning."

The duo could here Linus gulp. "Her name?"

"_As if he had any other 'lady friends'_!" Sally whispered. Lucy punched her to get her to shut up.

"Does Sally Brown ring a bell?" Lucy said, speaking in her psychiatrist voice once more.

A gasp could be heard from the other end of the line. "How bad is it? Is she okay? Should I… Should I be there?" It took all of Sally's might not to burst out laughing… It was almost sweet the way he was panicking.

"Lots of blood lost; yes, it was very gory. And Miss Brown has severe head trauma. So yes, I'd be here if I were you… To say goodbye…"

"Good… Goodbye?" Linus's voice was cracking as realization hit him.

As Sally heard this, she was almost sorry for making Lucy call Linus up… She wanted to kiss him, and tell him that she was alright, and hold him… Wait a minute, wasn't that the reason she had Lucy call in the first place… She wanted him home, with her, right? No, she didn't feel like apologizing. But somehow, the prank didn't seem quite as funny.

Suddenly, the two girls could hear a door being unlocked. "Hey, Linus… Sometimes I wonder how stupid I can get. The seminar is _next week_, not this week. Wait a sec, Linus, what's wrong?"

Lucy gasped. "Oh, no, Charlie Brown!" She had counted on him being out. This would ruin everything!

"Excuse me for a moment," he hissed into the phone. "Charlie Brown… your sister… I…"

He was _sobbing_. Actually _sobbing_.

"Linus, are you _crying_? What's wrong with Sally? I…" He apparently looked at the phone and realized that it was the source of his friend's distress. Apparently seizing the dorm's phone from Linus's grasp, he said, "Hello? Who is this?"

At a loss for words, Lucy quickly resorted to repeating the same information she told Linus.

"Oh. So my sister-"

"-Miss Brown is your sister?" Lucy interrupted, attempting to play dumb.

She heard a sigh. Charlie Brown spoke away from the phone for a moment. "Linus, calm down. There's nothing to worry about."

"What are you talking about? Sally is-" Linus couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Shut up, Linus." He resumed talking on the phone. "Lucy, the jig is up."

"Excuse me?" Lucy pretended to sound insulted. "My name is Shelia, Mr. Brown. There's no Lucy…" _Shit, it's all over_, she thought. She gave up. "Hey, Charlie Brown."

Sally stole the phone from her brother's girlfriend, but not after giving Lucy a particularly furious glare. "Hi, Big Brother!"

"Sally, what the heck are you doing?"

"I'm bored. I miss Linus. And Lucy's psychiatrist voice is hysterical. I mean, it wasn't so funny when we were little, but now that we're older! Ha! Wasn't our little joke funny, Big Brother?"

"Hilarious. Now put Lucy back on for a moment."

"But… but I want to talk to my sweet baboo!"

"Put Lucy back on. Now," Charlie Brown said through his teeth.

Sally reluctantly relinquished the phone to Lucy. "Hey, sweetie, I…Umm, I thought you were out today, honey?"

Charlie Brown knew that Lucy only turned on the pet names when she was particularly lovey-dovey or afraid that she was in trouble. He assumed the latter. "That was ridiculous. It probably would have worked too, if I hadn't recognized your voice… The amount of times I was at your booth growing up? Wow, Lucy… Linus was checking the phone book for the train station's number until a minute ago."

Linus was seething. What the _hell_ was going on? He forcibly grabbed the phone from Lucy's hand. "What are you playing at, Lucy! I mean, I thought something was really wrong…"

He still sounded shaky. "I'm really sorry, Linus. Really. We were just bored and looking for a laugh. And besides, I think that there's a blonde girl missing you with all her heart, just looking for a way to bring you to her."

Linus pondered this for a moment. He _had_ been staying at the dorm for the past few weekends. But that was no excuse to practically throw him into cardiac arrest!

"Fine. Put Sally on the phone."

Sally looked scared as Lucy handed her the phone. Would he break up with her? She couldn't stand the thought of losing him.

"Linus, please. I'm really sorry. I just miss you like crazy, and I-"

"Shut up. I love you."

Needless to say, that had _not_ been the response she had respected. But it was no less appreciated. "Y-you do? After all that?"

"Yes. I thought I lost you, Sal. Darnit, Lucy's pretty convincing…" He couldn't stifle a laugh. "But don't ever do that again. Okay?"

"I promise. Never again, my sweet baboo."

"Okay then. See you in an hour? Lucy took the car, so-"

Lucy and Linus shared a car, which usually wasn't that bad, considering they all hung out together.

"I'll wait for you at the train station."

"I love you. Don't forget that."

"Love you too."

Linus was about to hang up, when Charlie Brown shouted, "Not yet! I want to talk to Lucy!"

He picked up the phone. To his annoyance, Sally had already hung up the phone. "Shit, they already hung up…"

"Language, Charlie Brown…" Linus scolded.

"Shut the hell up, Linus…"

**Author's notes: I'll save the Lucy/CB-ness for the Van Pelt Saga. To clarify, Linus and CB are roommates… **

**Hey, I was bored. And this really happened… I wasn't present, but on the band trip to Disney World (which ran over April Fools Day), one of the girls pulled the same prank. It went so far that the guy (who was at home) was about to buy a plane ticket to Orlando. Poor guy. **


End file.
